Myth #3: As a copywriter, I dream of publishing my own book (and will do anything to get there).

Two of the things that my clients like, respect and champion about me, is the fact that I don’t like wasting anybody’s time, and that I’m unafraid to tell you what I really think about a draft or idea, so that both you and I emerge from the writing process with a product we can both be proud of.  With that in mind, approach this blog with caution…

I have a million fantastic book titles buzzing around my head and scrawled on post-it notes around the house. Unfortunately, they are just titles.

I have quite a skill of eliciting intriguing and witty straplines from random social situations, and I always joke with friends that I’ll one day use them as the title of a forthcoming best-seller, platinum scoring album or sell-out stadium world tour. This is where my authorial penmanship ends, though, as I honestly have never had a good enough idea for a full-on book or even so much as a short story before.

I’m not disclosing this fact out of disappointment, frustration or desperation.  If I don’t want to do something in life, and I absolutely do not have to do it, then it doesn’t factor much in my day. Obviously, as a copywriter, I have a love of the writing process, and I would hope that I’m more than fairly good at my craft, but my desire to write and publish my own works is largely non-existent in my world.  In being such a perfectionist with language and writing in general, as well as with my clients, I doubt I’d have the time to document my own tales anyway – with or without the enthusiasm.

Hand me a brief, i’ll work to it.  Hand me a blank sheet of paper and ask me to unleash my own stories… I’ll feel largely uninspired, get bored, and will most likely find the pull of the fridge more enticing than the Pulitzer Prize.  I write this in my blog in the hope that it will give future clients a heads-up, where the drill is usually the case that within the first 15 minutes over plus-sized coffees, that they ask me to write a book ‘with’ them.

The scenario works like this: The client has a great idea for a self-proclaimed best-seller. They need a copywriter to turn this idea into book form.  Absolutely fine so far.  This then transpires, with a handful of clients, that they have no notes, recordings or materials from which to work, but instead expect you to create entire chapters out of mere paragraphs of their internal musings. I can’t often understand my own thoughts – never mind those of someone I’ve only just met for the first time in a bar.  Lord knows dating would have been much easier as a younger woman if I possessed that particular skill!  Then, and this is the bit we copywriters should be really grateful for, the client proposes that instead of paying you anything at all for your time, creativity, support and mind-reading, they’ll kindly split the profits with you as soon as the book that “will definitely sell” is published.  How kind!  And what can go wrong?

What I’ll summarise next is possibly the starting point for an entirely different blog, but consider the following:

1. Consider Me. I’m a professional, and my job takes time, talent and commitment.  As with any other professional service, the work I do respectfully deserves to be paid for in full and in a fair and timely manner.

2. Consider You. I hope you do get published, but like this or not, it’s likely that you won’t.  The process of publishing is competitive, critical, and dragged out over a significant period of time.  Just because you (quite rightly) believe your book will be wonderful, it doesn’t mean that anyone else who matters in the publishing process will agree – that’s if they even read the draft!

3. Consider the Book. If it is indeed selected for publication, and you are happy to pride it as your labour of love after your editor hacks, slashes and rips through your work as though it were mere inkblots on scrap paper, then the money you see for it will be considerably less than you would ever imagine.  Once the publishing house takes their majority cut of however many copies you sell, you’re left with very little ‘profit’. The percentage of that money that you’ve kindly offered to me, well, I doubt it would cover the electricity used to power up the laptop for the countless hours, days and months a good book needs investing into it… I think I may have just hit on yet more reasons for why I have no desire to publish…

Let’s back-track a little.  It’s a reasonable, fair and even considerate question to be asked; “Are you hoping to publish something yourself?”.  I will always reciprocate reasonably and fairly to this consideration, and the majority of the time, that particular conversation ends with my response and we progress quite nicely on to what I’m really interested in as a copywriter; the client’s work.

I become offended though, when some clients choose to block out, side-step and even ignore my response, and instead use the situation as a conversational gateway to run with an assumption that I must so desperately yearn to be published, that I’ll happily grapple my way there via playing second string to somebody else’s idea, and what’s more, I’ll do 80% of the work for 0% of the worth.

This type of proposition to a copywriter is sadly very common, especially if the client gets the hint that you’re in the early stages of your writing career.  I don’t know if I’m being oversensitive, but it almost feels like they believe they’re doing you a favour – giving you your big break, so to speak, even though you neither seek nor desire one.  For a rare few, when you keep your integrity and professionalism about you and politely decline the offer, they respond badly, and speak and act as though you should have been grateful that they chose you in the first place for this momentous task of working flat-out for free.

One day, I may be struck by inspiration and may find myself with the dedicated time, patience and resilience needed by authors to make a start on my own book.  Likewise, if a would-be author approaches a copywriter such as myself with a large scale co-authoring project that we believe is viable, enjoyable and fits with our values, we will gladly partner up with them and work in the interest of both parties to make the project a success from start to finish.  But, unless you happen to be Suzanne Collins, Stephen King or a long lost ancestor of Jesus, hopeful of compiling a sequel… please remember why you approached us for our professional service in the first place.