You may feel energised (or perhaps just pressured) on your return from your summer sojourn this year to put out posts on LinkedIn that portray paddle boarding experiences as personal branding masterclasses, and turn arguments over beach towels into musings over B2B sales.

But posting about those kinds of things would make you blend in with all the other tw*ts on LinkedIn, now wouldn’t it?

The copywriter part of me doesn’t want you to blend in, though. You’re a business owner, not a bottle of Factor 50.

And selfishly to add, the person-with-eyes part of me doesn’t want to read your aftersun anecdotes, either.

So, if you’re heading home from your hols and wondering if you’ve got enough time to share an update on socials before your bags come through at the carousel (okay, obviously you do), then here’s my list of 5 things that as a copywriter I don’t believe you should be posting about (or doing in general) after your summer holiday draws to a close:

1. Don’t contrive a business lesson about your fortnight in Fuerteventura. The only business lesson you should ever learn on a holiday like that is the one that maximises your return on investment at the all-inclusive buffet. Incidentally, I’m very good at this. Might run a course.
2. Don’t squeeze out a self-development lesson from your time spent downing pina coladas around a palm-fringed pool. You relaxed and recharged, we get it. That’s the exact fucking point of a holiday, my friend. You’re not special.
3. Don’t attempt to kid the world you’re a better person now that you’re back from somewhere fancy. I’ll put good money on the fact that even if you spent a fortnight lounging around on speedboats in Abu-Dhabi, your first stop on the way back from the airport was to buy semi-skimmed in Aldi.
4. Don’t share photos of your laptop by the pool/ at the bar/ on the balcony. Those sun-kissed scenes are just fucking sad, no matter which way you slice the strawberry in your daiquiri, and I really feel for whoever you were “making memories” with on that so-called break, I really bloody do.
5.  Don’t announce to the world how you’ve realised that your family and your quality time with them is the most important thing in your life. You spent a week in Benalmadena, Darren – not a ten-year stretch in Belmarsh. Don’t wax too lyrical about this one, hun. Some things should go without saying.

This isn’t me saying I don’t want you to talk about your holidays or share your pictures on LinkedIn, by the way. I *do* want that! I want connection with people who are human and who I might one day have some kind of working relationship with. I want to see if we have stuff in common (or not), to feel inspired by nice looking holiday options for my own family, and to share in your enjoyment on a platform that is otherwise making me fucking miserable.

Plus I’m a nosy bitch, so there’s that.

Book the holiday, enjoy the holiday, tell us about your holiday…

Just don’t hashtag every sultry sunset with #BusinessGrowth. And for the love of god, don’t make every mojito a metaphor, either.