Do you want me to write a guest blog for you?

I don’t mean outsource to me to write a blog that you can then claim you wrote yourself because you want to show you’ve got this marketing thing nailed (the smart approach taken by nearly every great business owner ever, by the way).

I mean, do you want me to write a blog for you as me? A guest blog, as it’s known.

If you’ve got 395 well-positioned pounds to throw at your marketing (because you do indeed want to show that you have it nailed), and if I get along with you as a person as well as a professional doing great things in your business, let’s do it!

Oh, I know. Rookie mistake to mention the price so early on. You could just stop reading right now; disgusted that I would charge so much/at all.

Farewell, and no hard feelings.

Wait, you’re still here? Fab. Where was I…

Oh yeah, I was saying that it’s really important that I like you and what you stand for in business. This isn’t an Alan Partridge-style Personal Appearance (and not only because you’d have a job getting me to leave the house these days). I’m not planning on doing this for just any person who contacts my PA (I don’t have one), agrees to give me fifty shop-soiled Chocolate Oranges as an incentive, or pulls me in because ex-professional snooker player Cliff Thorburn is unavailable. No.

If we hit it off, and I love what you do, and I actually think I could scribble something pretty cool to do you justice, I’m your man!

So, how does it work once we decide to give this a go?

You might already have an idea that you’re dying to let me loose on, but likewise, you can feel free to give me free reign* to come up with a brilliant idea/angle all of my very own! What could go wrong!!

Whichever road you travel with this, I’ll make sure that, whilst being witty, warm and wonderful to read, my blog will play its part to do what every great blog should do – drive traffic to your website, strengthen your brand, and raise your profile. You might even get a personal shout-out! Wow, how honoured you must feel, considering it’s your piece and your cash…

And, if you’re drastically unhappy with the first draft (as if), worry not, because I’ll edit the blog until you’re a sunnier bunny. Let’s face it, this kind of project needs to make both of us look good.

So, other than have a brilliantly written blog to show off, courtesy of (nearly) everyone’s favourite writer of brilliant things, how else is having me as a Guest Blogger going to help your business in filling a big bit of formerly-wasted space in your marketing?

Well, it’ll feature as a showcase link to your site on my own blog page (as well as yours, obviously), a link to the blog on your website will be showcased on my snazzy Mailing List, AND a fuss will be made of the blog on my social media accounts (well, the ones that have any followers) when it goes live. This is all important because it can’t hurt to open your business up to a new audience, now can it?

Now, this is the bit where I need to quash your excitement.

I know that loads of people make claims of ‘limited spaces’ when it comes to getting people to sign up to stuff like this. I don’t really do the standard marketing shizzle though do I, so I’m not about to start right now. There’s not even a time limit to ‘sign up’, for god’s sake. But, in the simplest terms, this isn’t going to be my full-time devotion as a copywriter. It’s just a little something extra to start singing and dancing (and preferably writing) about where I can fit it in, so I’ll only be taking on projects that I think I can really bring some brilliance to. It’s what I’ve done so far for a few great people over a semi-glittering career, but now I’m deciding to promote it, rather than wait to be asked.

Want to talk it through (please god not on Zoom)? You know where I am.

Under a cow.

That was another Alan Partridge gag. Apologies.

Just send me an email, FFS.

*Yep, I spell it as in royal, or majestic if you want me to stay true to brand.