As we wrapped up on 2021, I wrote a blog about branding and online marketing which I wittily named, ‘Bland Awareness‘. In said blog, I may or may not have taken a swipe at people who completely bugger their business branding by instead chucking all of their content arsenal at what they’d class as personal branding, but what I’d personally class as adhering to social media ‘pillars of filler’.

I figured, though, that with the popularity of such posts, there had to be something in this approach, so I used my own content in the aforementioned blog to briefly reference what I called the nine pillars of filler for social media success.

Keen to know what these nine pillars of filler are so that you can go right ahead and strategise your content like the cool kids? Simply labelled, they are – virtue-signalling, humble-bragging, pointless question-asking, selfie-taking, curiosity-faking, pity-partying, content-stealing, self-promoting and fun-sponging.

Each pillar is demonstrated daily on places like LinkedIn, and really, who cares that absolutely none of your followers could tell you for a million quid what it is you actually do for a living?! It’s not as though the success of your business requires any of them to actually buy from you or anything! Take note of these pillars of filler and thrive, my friends, as they are positively rock solid for guaranteeing engagement – and, as we all know, engagement is a currency, now! And to think you thought BitCoin was bollocks…

I appreciate that the pillars I reference may require a little bit of expansion so that you know exactly what they stand for, and as a writer, I owe you that much to hand such information over.  I’m just so fucking authentic, sometimes, I really am.

First up…

Virtue-signalling. No good deed goes unpublished. So, if you’ve saved or changed the world in any small way today, or you have a cause you can drag up at will purely so you can take an almost ambassadorial stance on something no matter how fucking ludicrously indisputable it is (“without oxygen we’ll all die”), make sure you’re posturing and posting with purpose so that people can see just how bloody filled with virtuousness you are at all turns. Don’t worry if this kind of content fodder doesn’t naturally cross your path (it’s hard work being a humanitarian), because you can always go and manufacture a little something instead; content ‘creation’ in its realest terms. All you really need is a homeless person, a camera, and… well nothing, actually – people are just going to be so in awe of the fact that you took time out of your busy day to grace a homeless person with your presence, that it’s a job well done. Honestly, if you’re not reppin’ Mother Theresa herself, then you’re easily just as wonderful as some kind of modern-day George Bailey, what with you making other people’s lives so much better, purely by posting in it.

Staying on a similar theme to the VS BS…

Humble-bragging. People always ask me, “Jo, PLEASE can you share your wit and wisdom with us around the power of humble-bragging on social media?” Of course, of course. Transform yourself and your content from rags to humble-brags, by making sure that not only do you make a point of showing how down-to-earth and just as much a normal human as the rest of us you are, but that you’re also happy to go out of your way to actually tell us about that fact, too. Stuck for inspiration? Some solid starts include timely reminders for your audience that life isn’t all about money, status and material possessions, whilst being clear all the while to reference (and ideally picture) all your wealth, status and material possessions in the exact same post. Another great example of how to pimp this pillar is to post a picture of yourself looking fabulous, and open the written element of your contribution with something along the lines of “Excuse the photo of me looking terrible…“, or “Just back from the gym” and just wait for your assets to be appreciated.

Ooooh, I guess that one links us to…

Selfie-taking. Thinking this one only works for the beautiful people who have perfected the art of the humblebrag (see above) so that nobody thinks they’re entirely self-centred and shallow? Wrong. Thanks to filters that can wipe out every pixel of you appearing in any way human in a photograph, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got a face like a smashed crab or have all the complexional qualities of day-old toast. Filters are your friend, my friends. So what if you go on to meet people in real life and they can’t pick you out of a line-up? Pah! Oh, and the bonus of this type of personal branding is that if you have fantastic assets, nobody cares if you write anything to go with the picture, so this one’s a real time-saver. Gorgeous inside and out, hun.

Preferring political hot potatoes for your posts? Fair enough, let me present to you…

Pointless question-asking. This one best works when you have a smug smile to yourself prior to posting your pointless poll, knowing it’s going to be a real hit with anyone who might be even fractionally bored off their tits at this time. ‘Tea or coffee?’, ‘Work from home or work at the office?’, ‘Beads or plugs?’. All of this critical data-gathering is going to be super-effective in helping you shape your business and attract that elusive ideal client, who drinks 3-5 cups of tea per workday and likes to throw their keys in a bowl after a long commute home from the office. Bank on the fact that boredom and people’s preoccupation with procrastination means you’ll definitely get engagement – no ifs or butts – so think of your poll as a nice alternative to YouTubing cats off of the internet.

Agree?

Curiosity-faking. This is a tough one as it needs a pre-amble or a bit of a back-story for it to look the part. Don’t stress too much, however, as the question you ask (you care so damn deeply) doesn’t really have to to relate to what you’ve written at all, anyway. The more shoe-horned in the better, actually. Example – Introduce a time frame (fairly recent for relevance, or fucking years ago so that nobody can remember enough to refute what you’re about to say), regale your audience with a non-event (definition – something mind-numbingly mundane and/or a complete fabrication of something that categorically never happened), and then hit your readers right between the lies with a question that you are so unbelievably keen to ask, that you’re not even going to bother to so much as ‘like’ what people take time out of their day to reply with. “When was the last time YOU ate biscuits in the office?” If only you could bother to follow up with a courteous reply, Panorama would surely be on the phone in minutes with the offer of an investigative journalism stint. Shame.

Don’t feel too down, though… oh actually…

Pity-partying. Everyone loves a good wallow, but you know what makes sad and upsetting experiences ultimately less painful? When you get likes for them. There’s a lot to be said for sharing your lows on social media to prove you’re a real human being (though don’t forget to hashtag authentic so that people definitely know just how bloody down-to-earth and real you are), but we’re looking to pull out the big guns, here, and this is all about business, so make sure you strike whilst the iron is hot, post whilst the body is still warm, and use the whole sad experience (whatever it may be) to show how this is all ultimately going to make you a star. Or at least some cash. LinkedIn’s got talent. (Note to self – dig out picture of someone else’s poorly child to demonstrate some class, here – likes, likes, likes)!

Too much like hard work? Okay…

Content-stealing. Reading this blog and thinking it’s all great advice but you just don’t have time for any of it? I feel you, my friend (you don’t think I write this shit myself, do you?). Work smarter by going right ahead and stealing ready-made content straight from someone else before passing it off as your own unique and impassioned insights. A stranger, a competitor, a blood relative… it doesn’t matter. You save time, and they get all the flattery of imitation without the burden of credit. A team effort in the truest sense.

Time to stop being so selfless, though! Read on…

Self-promoting. Promoting a problem-solving product? Promoting a situation-solving service? Promoting a new business with problem-solving solutions galore? Don’t stop there! Don’t forget to promote yourself and your road to fame, wealth and glory at every turn! Every post exists purely for the reason to show the world how amazing you are, because otherwise, how else are people going to come to the assumption that you’re drastically over-charging people despite never really appearing to do much in the way of any real work? Pull out all the stops for this one, so if you identify as having a cleavage, shove some pound notes and a set of flash car keys down there for emphasis, and if cleavage isn’t your bag, don’t forget that no hot-blooded LinkedInner is going to be able to resist a chance to ogle anyone with a massive clock-face (on their wrist). Keep it humble, though. Don’t forget to mention how down-to-earth you are, how un-materialistic you are, and how you’ve grafted so hard to get where you are right now. Don’t worry about having any demonstrable proof of this – the words are enough. Ahhh, the power of social media to promote whatever you like and to avoid that ethically sketchy issue of letting the truth get in the way of a good story.

Still with me, frantically taking notes? Think of this blog as a bingo card, and try your best to get the full house. No doubt you can then use the experience to write a LinkedIn post and seamlessly segue it into a business lesson that only your keenly analytical mind could ever create.

Oh but wait! I forgot fun-sponging! I can’t end this blog without talking about that, now can I!

Fun-sponging. This one is for those days when you have nothing to post (make sure you’ve exhausted all content-stealing opportunities) and instead you have to resort to merely reading stuff that other people have put out. Let’s focus on this blog as an example. To fun-sponge your way to engagement, simply comment on this blog to do one of the following:

a) miss the sarcasm

b) miss the point

c) become outraged about something (ideally something that affects you personally in no way whatsoever)

d) comment on the needlessness of the language that I, as the author, have used. Bonus fun-sponge points if you can make a witty remark about me claiming to be a good writer.

And there you have it! The 9 Pillars of Filler for Social Media Success, or whatever I ended up calling this piece. And if you’re looking for role models to show you how this is all done in practice, trust me… you won’t have to look very far.

This shit (sadly) works.

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